Lost at Sea

So, I'm kind of overwhelmed as to how to finish explaining my journey across the country. I feel like there's a kind of serenity and a kind of wisdom that comes from getting to see where you're from...granted, Im not from all those states, BUT, you always talk about other places and make up lives for those people. Ya know? Being from California, everyone assumes everyone else is miserable and that they have no lives because they're not in California, because we're a very cocky state, but that's not the case. I explained the first part of my trip which was pretty bleh, but as soon as we hit Oklahoma, we were walled in by trees. Green, bubble-topped trees blowing in the wind that stretched as far as the eye could see and this sky that seemed be unrolling in front of me. It stayed that beautiful for pretty much the duration of our drive. When we hit Memphis we were so excited to see a city, mainly because we felt like we weren't around ANYBODY. We couldn't understand where these people lived....like, the ones at the gas station...where is your house? I can't...whatever. We didn't even see a Starbucks until Georgia, which is crazy. Do you know how many states that is that we passed? A LOT OF MANY. I realized the reason we were so excited to see such trivial things, like you know, buildings and Starbucks, is because that's what reminded us of home. That's what we knew and what was familiar. That's when it hit me. These people here are different. WHOA. I mean, revelation of all the magnitudinal (made up word) proportions. While, I get excited to see buildings and the beach, these people are comforted by the trees and the breeze and the cicada bugs (even though I find them to be THE WORST.) It’s so different being in a place where it’s ok to just be in one place your whole place because California is filled with places that are all about progression. The city of LA is filled to the brim with hopefuls and has beens that are just waiting for their dream to happen or reliving the dreams they’ve already had the pleasure of living. These states aren't like that and this is the first time I realized that that isn't bad. These people were content. Not saying Southerners don’t have dreams, but their terms of happiness seem based on different things and that’s not necessarily bad. There’s nothing wrong with being content; that was probably the most shocking thing I learned in Arkansas, the people here aren’t crazy, bizarre or different... they’re just content and who am I to tell them that they need to be a business person, singer or lawyer to feel differently?   This trip was the best. I learned that I have the best family EVER. These people I barely know, haven't met or haven't seen in years, opened their house to me and two other ragamuffin looking creatures and let us stay, gave us food and offered to let us stay more. How cool is it to have friends willing to drive that far and family willing to house you and said friends? I have both. What a blessing. Now I'm here in this city, alone. Scary, kind of. It gets lonely. I walk around alone a lot. I eat a lot of meals alone. I see a lot of nature alone. I talk to God a lot. I worry a lot. I get nervous a lot. I question what I'm doing here...A LOT. And then I come to my senses and say what does it matter? This place feels like home to me. I love what I'm doing. What does it matter how long I stay out here doing my own thing? Eventually I will find my way to where I'm supposed to be. I will be found and that's a beautiful realization to have.